monkey bread: My soul food: "some women view food as the enemy, but for me it's always been a comfort, an expression of the love I receive from my close-knit family."

When I was a little girl, I tried my hardest to be good. Not because I have an inherently angelic personality, but because I knew that if I did well in school, respected my elders and looked after my little sisters, I'd get a treat--maybe a trip to McDonald's (which for me at 10 years old was the pinnacle of fine dining) or a piece of my grandmother's prized sweet potato pie or my late Aunt Gloria's melt-in-your-mouth monkey bread.

Some women view food as the enemy, but for me it has always been a comfort, a reward and an expression of the love I receive from my close-knit family. Every Friday, my sisters and I would huddle in my grandmother's kitchen for hot pieces of fried whiting and a scoop of french fries on the side. Grandma always ladled out liberal servings because she never wanted us to experience the hunger pangs she suffered as an orphan growing up during the Depression. Because of the food-based reward system that my family employed, coupled with our frequent gatherings, food for me is the ultimate pleasure, which makes exercising moderation when it comes to my eating choices seem like a punishment.

While my commitment to Weight-Loss Diary has forced me to rein in my snack compulsion, my mind still wanders to my favorite "cheat" foods more than I care to confess, making me long for my mom's duck a l'orange and chicken wings, and Auntie's cheesecake. It also doesn't help that when my friends and I get together on special occasions, we invariably head to a restaurant with plenty of tantalizing but fattening selections. I haven't indulged much lately, but it's always arduous, whether I'm dodging an hors d'oeuvre tray at a wedding reception, sipping a white wine spritzer at happy hour when what I really want is a Malibu rum and pineapple, or politely declining the Halloween candy corn, Christmas cookies and chocolate Easter bunnies that inevitably materialize in my office during the holidays.

Since starting this column, I've been suffering from major bouts of deprivation. Thank goodness I've been able to talk to Jean Petrucelli, Ph.D., a New York City-based clinical psychologist who specializes in eating disorders. She's helping me decode my food associations and recognize the importance of viewing food as fuel and not as happiness. Because I associated my favorite dishes with love and family in the past, I'm now learning to appreciate the people I care most about--without all the fattening food that has always come with them.

I won't pretend that my problem is solved and that Easter dinner will see me contentedly grazing on carrot sticks and steamed fish while everyone else devours baked ham, fried chicken and mac and cheese. But now I know I can enjoy my family's company and feel nurtured and loved without two servings of Auntie's cheesecake. Well, maybe just a few bites this year.

then

month 1 Height: 5'4"

Weight: 179 lbs.

Body fat: 32%

V[O.sub.2] max*: 33.7 ml/kg/min

Aerobic fitness: average

Resting blood pressure: 114/80 (normal)

Cholesterol: 145 (desirable)

month 2 Weight: 173 lbs.

Pounds lost: 6

Body fat: 30%

Net body fat lost: 2%

month 3 Weight: 170 lbs.

Pounds lost: 9

Body fat: 28%

Net body fat lost: 4%

now

month 4

Weight: 166 Net pounds lost: 13

Body fat: 27%

Net body fat lost: 5%

V[O.sub.2] max*: 39.4 ml/kg/min

Aerobic fitness: above average

Resting blood pressure: 110/70 (normal)

Cholesterol: 159 (desirable)

monkey bread

Sunday, July 10, 2011

My soul food: "some women view food as the enemy, but for me it's always been a comfort, an expression of the love I receive from my close-knit family."

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